Bridging the gaps between theory and practice
In recent years, social media has popularised a new wave of self-help practices: mindfulness, yoga, journaling, and aesthetically curated wellness rituals. These practices, often endorsed by life coaches and wellness influencers, are marketed alongside luxurious images of calming baths, decorative journals, and soft-lit spaces. The appeal is undeniable, and many are naturally drawn to these methods, especially as mental health and therapy become more widely accepted. Yet, there’s a growing number of individuals—especially those seeking therapy for the first time—who, despite their best efforts, struggle with these tools and eventually label them as failures.
“I tried journaling my thoughts, but it just didn’t work,” shared one student. This sentiment is common and echoes a deeper frustration with the wellness narrative: If you’re doing everything “right” and it still doesn’t help, does that mean you’re doing something wrong?
It’s important to acknowledge that practices like journaling, meditation, and mindfulness can indeed be beneficial. Writing can be a powerful tool for organising and expressing thoughts. For some, meditation offers grounding, and yoga fosters a sense of peace. But these approaches do not work universally, and when they fail, the feeling of personal failure can be overwhelming. Unfortunately, this can lead some people to dismiss therapy altogether, assuming that if the popular wellness techniques don’t work, therapy won’t either.
One key reason for these tools failing is the lack of personalisation. Mindfulness and journaling, in particular, are often prescribed as one-size-fits-all solutions. The underlying message of these practices is that sitting with difficult emotions will promote healing—but for many, confronting painful feelings is challenging. And for those who have experienced trauma, it can feel nearly impossible to sit alone with these emotions. The emotional overwhelm can be so intense that the mind seeks escape in other ways: work, social media, Netflix, or even daydreaming.
It is also worth noting that some of us, especially children, may struggle to adopt new habits simply because the unknown feels threatening. The brain prefers familiarity, even if that familiarity isn’t in one's best interest. Resistance, a concept rooted in psychodynamics, can manifest as inertia or avoidance when trying new practices. Overcoming this resistance requires time, patience, and sometimes, external support.
The Primacy of Presence: The Heart of Counselling and Education
This is where the concept of presence becomes absolutely foundational. Whether in the classroom or in a counselling session, presence isn’t just another tool—it is the root from which all healing and learning grow. It is the crux of what we offer as educators and counsellors. Presence in this context means an attuned, compassionate, and non judgmental engagement with the person in front of us. It means sitting with the person in his or her discomfort, pain, and uncertainty, without rushing toward a solution. It is the space where a person feels truly seen, heard, and valued, and it is in this space that growth begins.
In the counselling setting, it is not enough to hand a child a journal or encourage him or her to meditate and assume that these tools will work. In fact, many of the methods we use—like mindfulness or journaling—can feel foreign or even overwhelming without first cultivating a safe and supportive relational space. Without the foundation of presence, these practices can be dismissed as failures, leaving the child or individual feeling misunderstood or unworthy.
The relationship we offer—whether we are teachers, counsellors, or mentors—must come before any tool or technique. This relational foundation provides the security that the person needs to begin to sit with hisnor her own difficult emotions. If a child struggles with journaling or mindfulness, it’s not because the child is incapable or “not trying hard enough”. It is because the child needs someone to sit with with him or her first, to guide gently into their own emotional world. Children's ability to eventually sit with themselves and their feelings is built on the consistent presence of someone who shows up for them, time and again, without judgment or expectation.
In both classrooms and counselling sessions, we often miss this fundamental point: Before anyone can learn to sit with their own emotions, they need to experience the presence of another who sits with them. This is the primal work of healing and learning. It is the relational connection that serves as the bridge between inner chaos and emotional resilience. The practices of mindfulness or journaling are helpful, but they are secondary to the foundation of presence and relationality. They are tools that require the right context—one in which the individual feels supported, understood, and not alone.
Relational Presence as the Crucial Element
When we think of the work we do in counselling or education, it’s tempting to focus on techniques or methods: the breathing exercises, the journal prompts, the meditation sessions. But these methods, though valuable, are often secondary to something more primal: the relational bond we create. Without presence, none of these tools will land as they should. Without the consistent presence of an empathetic, attuned other, the child or student will struggle to connect with the practice or the process of self-reflection.
In a classroom, we might be tempted to tell a child, “You’re not getting it” when they can’t grasp a concept, or “Just try harder” when they can’t sit with their emotions. In counselling, we might suggest mindfulness or journaling and assume that if it doesn’t work, the child is the problem. But what we often miss is that we haven’t provided the relational space for the child to engage with these practices authentically. Instead of rushing to prescribe solutions, we must first be present with children in their struggles, discomfort, and uncertainty. This presence—this relational connection—is what allows someone to build the emotional capacity to eventually engage with these tools on their own. It is the fertile soil in which the seeds of healing and growth can be planted.
A Compassionate, Contextual Approach to Healing and Learning
For children who have experienced trauma, practices like mindfulness and journaling can be especially challenging. The emotional pain may feel so overwhelming that it is hard to imagine confronting it alone. In these cases, grounding exercises like meditation may work for some, but they need to be introduced with an understanding of the child’s history and emotional state. Without that, we risk pushing them into practices that they are not ready for, setting them up for failure, and deepening their sense of not being “enough”.
Think of it this way: If a child doesn’t yet know how to crawl, how can we expect him or her to run? Similarly, without first addressing the emotional and psychological blocks that prevent a child from engaging with his or her feelings, we cannot expect the tools of mindfulness and journaling to magically resolve everything.
In no way do I intend to criticise or dismiss these wellness practices. I believe they have great potential, but it’s crucial to recognise that they won’t work for everyone, especially without a careful, contextualised approach. Particularly in the context of counselling or education, our role isn’t just to recommend tools but to first be present with people in their difficult emotions. When we do this, we help cultivate the internal capacity to later engage with these practices independently, with the trust that they can support their growth.
Self-love, after all, isn’t simply a mental affirmation—it’s an experience of being genuinely cared for and seen. The current wellness culture, with its emphasis on self-sufficiency and control, often neglects the vital role of human connection and personalised care. I hope this piece encourages a shift in perspective for those who feel disillusioned by practices that are often presented as universal solutions. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to wellness, and sometimes, the most powerful tool is simply the presence of a compassionate other, guiding us through the tough moments.
Ms Meghna Joshi
( School Psychodynamic Counsellor)
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