Share your budget with your children – From I-pads to the X-box, there is no end to the demands of our children nowadays – mostly under peer pressure. Every family has a budget and the sooner we learn to teach our children to “fall in line” with our respective budget, the better it is for the entire family. Explain to them where the money goes – give them figures of the electricity/petrol bills or how much it costs when you take them for one game of bowling with a dinner at the mall. One or two sittings might prove to be an eye-opener. Teach them to value money no matter how much God may have given you.
Never say “NO” to spending time – Who will be in the mood to listen to the trivial juvenile politics when you have a deadline to meet the next morning. The important thing here is to realize that your child wants to share his life with you. After a hard day’s work and no caffeine to pump up the system, my daughter tells me to go shopping. My brain says “Plzzzzzzzzzzz leave me alone “ but I listen to my heart and go along. I should consider myself lucky that she wants to go with me rather than go with friends and coming home with bags of shopping I don’t approve of. Then she points to 2 bottles of nailpolish and asks “Is this pink nice or is this pink nice?” Frankly, I can’t tell the difference and think “who cares?” but I rather tell her “Hmmmm, the left one is more pink, take that.” The minute you avoid spending time with them, they will turn to other things that will eventually disturb your sleep one day.
Spare the rod but use the scanner – Never hit a child especially after they enter their teens, whatever be the reason. All of us know this but how many of us can actually remember this when we are angry. No parent I have ever met has achieved any positive results by slapping his own child – on the contrary you create an emotional rift. The better way to achieve results is to withhold certain advantages you give your child but not without explaining the reason. Learn to look at the bigger picture and deal with the reason that would warrant any physical punishment rather than the action itself – was it peer pressure, carelessness, rebellion, immaturity or just growing pains. Don’t hesitate to consult a psychologist/ counselor or even to talk to a friend for advice. Love and discipline are two different things and they have to know who is the boss at the end of the day.
Show respect for inter-personal relationships – be it grand parents, teachers, siblings or friends, the first rule is make children realize the importance of the people in their lives and value them. Teach them how to say “sorry” – many of you may feel “What’s the big deal in saying sorry?”. My experience tells me that once a child learns to say “sorry” to the people who matter, you have downsized their ego. It’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them. Parents too should not hesitate to say sorry to their children. Emphasize on using words like PLEASE, THANK YOU & SORRY. Imagine a child using these words in his vocabulary while talking to his grandparents, teachers and parents – you can’t help but dote on him and praise the parents.
Accept children for what they are academically –For parents of TOPPERS, academics is a joy ride. However, for those of us who have academically-average or under average children, everyday is a struggle and every PTM is a nightmare, for both the parent and the child. The first step to overcome this is ACCEPTANCE. There is a very fine line between a child trying to work hard but not achieving results and a child who just doesn’t want to try. Differentiate between that line and stand by your child. Accept that it is not possible for every child to score 95% – Neither will every child who scores 95% ‘make it in life’ nor is every child who scores 40% a failure. Today it’s a whole new world of opportunities, and the children know it. Don’t judge your child by his report card.
Don’t compare – How easily we forget this when we speak to our children. Parents should make their child feel special no matter how he performs academically or even if he comes second in a competition, or if he cries during a stage show. Studies show that comparison and lack of encouragement can create life long complexes in your children. Here again, the rule of acceptance applies. Do as much as possible to bring up a vibrant and happy child full of life. Respect his individuality.
Be a friend, encourage transparency – Create that bond with your child where he doesn’t feel the need to hide anything from you. Be it a first love note, a detention at school or a first shot at a smoke. It is easier to fight a known enemy than an unknown one. Listen without taunting, humiliating and criticizing. Never take advantage of what they share with you or even think of betraying his trust. Assure them that parental love is the only unconditional love in this world and only this can bail him out of trouble at any stage. Win his confidence.
Encourage exercise and adopt a hobby – Explain the importance of fresh air and physical fitness. Good health is the only thing which will keep them fit enough to achieve their goals. How many of us know of friends who start exercising and walking only after they have had a health setback probably at the age of 35 and above. Why not start at an early age? Children are full of energy and we need to channel this energy in a positive way so their minds won’t wander. Introduce them to hobbies like Chess, Painting, Court Games, Musical Instruments etc., you just might find a genius in your little baby. Please control the junk food.
Dressing Sense and the Rule Book - As your child enters his teens, set the rules. For eg., wherever you are, whoever you are with, I need to know. Any disciplinary activity that happens in school, I need to know. I also need to have the telephone numbers of the best friends with a promise only to use the number in a panic situation. Make it a point to skillfully get to know the families of these best friends so you know who your child is spending time with. It’s scary how many working parents don’t know where their children are after school. Set dead lines to return home and don’t hesitate to cancel the movie tickets or confiscate the PS3 if the rules are not complied with.
As for the dressing sense, when your child begins to chose his own clothes, guide them what to wear for each occasion and differentiate between formal and informal attire. Settle the hem line for the skirt and show them how to wear clothes that suit their physical structure rather than go with fashion.
Don’t forget the daily hug – Can’t live without this one. The children are the very essence of our beings and if you don’t display your love or emotions, how will they learn to show their appreciation for you. Nothing can replace the feeling of grabbing your little boy or girl reallllllllllllly tight and planting a noisy kiss on the cheek. This always brings on a smile and melts the ice. My son is all of 16 and even now, I just have to point to my cheek and he won’t miss the kiss, provided no one is looking……….!
by Sangeeta Aswani
PTA – VP
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